1. what do i look for in a guy?
  2. what do i get from this friendship that i dont get from other relationships that i have had?

those were the main two questions on the table, and i wish i had a straight up answer.

what i look for in a guy… well we have the physical aspect and then the character and then we have how they are in the relationship dynamic. from the conversation we summed it up as a ‘sexual person with substance’.  what does that mean you wonder, well simply put i need someone that is sexual, which then translate into us being physically compatible and always being flirty, trying to impress and please the other person. now to the substance bit, i guess i also want someone to be there in the day, not just a night call. i want someone during the day that i can discuss deep topics with, read philosophical books together, exercise together. someone that pushes me forward towards our ambition and goals in life. i want our bodies to dance together, be physically connected at night, yet during the day our spirits are fighting together against the world, taking each day as it comes.

i want sexual romantic love, not the 50 shades kind of love neither the notebook  kind of love. i think if someone spoke about me the way lil wayne does in the song ‘pussy, money, weed’ i would actually fall for him and never get up again. yes its sexual straight up, but you can tell he loves her not just for the sex. he appreciates her physically and mentally.  he wants to grow a family together,but she isn’t just a wife or a mother, he loves her from all angles.

i guess that sort of explained the dynamic i want and as for his character, i want him to be strong in character, someone that steals peoples attention when he enters the room with his presence. someone that is rough with the world, yet soft with me. someone that trusts me and in turn i wont hide a thing. someone that is patient with me, and i will do everything he wants me to do. someone that is kind, and doesnt hold back from helping others, a person that helps the people that are forgotten. someone that his goals is about helping the poor and growing himself, instead of trying to stack the bills.

finally physically, just like character, i want someone who is strong, who is health conscious but doesnt have muscles just for the show. someone who when he stands behind me, i feel protected, and when i lean against him, i feel supported. someone with that minimal urban style, long line tshirts and baseball caps are a weakness of mine, someone that look like terroll lewis or Shakeel Romero, to make it easier to put a picture in mind.

the funny thing all my exes look so different, different heights, skin tones and sizes, physically i guess i am more interested into the physical vibe you give me.

the second question, i needed a moment of pure concentration, but i realised that i can be open with her, without being scared  about judgement, she is the first person i run to her to tell her anything and everything. someone who know all of my sides, not allowing me to keep my walls up. so i guess thats something missing from all my past dating life/ relationships.

this took too long to write and i still aint pleased with it, but fuck it whatever